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There are 500 photos in the queue and 500 stories to go with each of them. But rather than keep you waiting, I thought I’d introduce you to the relaxed Melanie that Joe caught on camera one evening while the family played Scrabble on the deck while the sun set over the barn. I love the farm and I loved a relaxing week off with Joe.

I had a great time. So great a time that I came home completely exhausted and had to sleep for a week before I got back on schedule. Well, kind of.

As I mentioned on Twitter, my first thoughts of home turn back to the job hunt. Which in turn gives me anxiety and sleepless nights. Which were amplified by the fact that I had just had a wonderful week at home with my family where I didn’t let myself worry about money or jobs or anything. For a whole week. It was great. So in addition to vacation fatigue, job stress, and PMS (it’s a great thing eh?) I’ve had a rough week.

Today things turned around though. One of the things I forget when I’m down is that I need to not just stay confined to my little bubble. Even though Joe is around to bump into my bubble on a daily basis, if I’m not careful it gets very cramped and lonely. Thoughts of feeling fat and unemployed and stupid and unlovable run rampant. But thanks to an email today from one of my best girl friends and a phone call shortly thereafter, I realized that I’m not alone in this big mean world.

And I felt better. And I realized even more things.

I think I have this job thing figured out, but I’m going to have to leave you all hanging as to what that is until I get it confirmed for sure. Joe and I are finally tackling the apartment. Clutter and mess in the apartment is a huge indicator of my mental well being, so getting that straightened out will come with great relief. We still have 2x lots of things (two kitchen shelves, two sets of cutlery, two sets of dishes) and so about half has to go. And with the heat it’s been less than motivating to start carting stuff to the thrift store. The cats are lovely and cuddly and glad to have us back. Other than things are a bit financially strained everything is great.

Everything is great.

It’s nice to say that once and a while.

My last post summed things up pretty well. I still don’t have any photos of unicorns or rainbows, but I’m working on it. Instead you can have a photo I took on Easter weekend on a chilly beach in Sudbury.

Summer is here and I’m preparing for a week of vacation in sunny Manitoba. I’m knitting up a storm because I’ve not used these past six months to finish my family’s Christmas presents. I’m one and a half down, two and a half to go. There will be many photos of finished projects once they are blocked and such, so stay tuned!

Much progress has been made in the cleaning of the apartment and the brain/soul searching I’ve been doing. Applying for jobs once again is a humbling and frustrating experience. So many of the jobs I’d love to do and I am perfectly qualified for are being posted, but it’s so obvious that they are being posted for someone already in the position. Requiring 2.46 years experience in the position is kind of a dead giveaway. Okay maybe I’m exaggerating.

I’ve had a lot of ups and downs in my (very short less than five year) career. And I get caught up in them. When really I need to focus on the bills. Because sometimes little details get lost in the big picture. For the first time ever I’m working on having more than one iron in the fire (even though there is one really big iron right now that I’m not talking about for fear of jinxing it) and we’ll see how it goes.

But that will wait. At least until I get home from Manitoba. I plan on taking lots of photos. And doing yard work. And working on super secret projects. And hopefully at least once being able to dabble my toes in one of Manitoba’s fine lakes. Will it be Lake Minnewasta or Lake Winnipeg? Who knows!

But most of all I’m looking forward to spending quality time with Mom, Dad, little sister, and little brother. I love being in Toronto and I loved being in Ottawa. But I love my family like bonkers and it’s so terrible to be away from them. They worry about me being jobless and being able to provide for myself while being so far away. I worry about that too. Someday I want to have a job where I can have the flexibility to go home for a week and it not be Christmas time. I’m lucky that Joe was able to get this week off work. I’m lucky (and unlucky at the same time) that I’m able to go because I don’t have a job.

The soul searching continues. And the knitting. Oh gosh the knitting.