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My last post summed things up pretty well. I still don’t have any photos of unicorns or rainbows, but I’m working on it. Instead you can have a photo I took on Easter weekend on a chilly beach in Sudbury.

Summer is here and I’m preparing for a week of vacation in sunny Manitoba. I’m knitting up a storm because I’ve not used these past six months to finish my family’s Christmas presents. I’m one and a half down, two and a half to go. There will be many photos of finished projects once they are blocked and such, so stay tuned!

Much progress has been made in the cleaning of the apartment and the brain/soul searching I’ve been doing. Applying for jobs once again is a humbling and frustrating experience. So many of the jobs I’d love to do and I am perfectly qualified for are being posted, but it’s so obvious that they are being posted for someone already in the position. Requiring 2.46 years experience in the position is kind of a dead giveaway. Okay maybe I’m exaggerating.

I’ve had a lot of ups and downs in my (very short less than five year) career. And I get caught up in them. When really I need to focus on the bills. Because sometimes little details get lost in the big picture. For the first time ever I’m working on having more than one iron in the fire (even though there is one really big iron right now that I’m not talking about for fear of jinxing it) and we’ll see how it goes.

But that will wait. At least until I get home from Manitoba. I plan on taking lots of photos. And doing yard work. And working on super secret projects. And hopefully at least once being able to dabble my toes in one of Manitoba’s fine lakes. Will it be Lake Minnewasta or Lake Winnipeg? Who knows!

But most of all I’m looking forward to spending quality time with Mom, Dad, little sister, and little brother. I love being in Toronto and I loved being in Ottawa. But I love my family like bonkers and it’s so terrible to be away from them. They worry about me being jobless and being able to provide for myself while being so far away. I worry about that too. Someday I want to have a job where I can have the flexibility to go home for a week and it not be Christmas time. I’m lucky that Joe was able to get this week off work. I’m lucky (and unlucky at the same time) that I’m able to go because I don’t have a job.

The soul searching continues. And the knitting. Oh gosh the knitting.

You might have been wondering where I’ve been. My presence here comes in fits and spurts it seems. I’m trying to fix that. I’m getting a lot of help from Joe. I’m actually planning on launching another blog. I know, two blogs for me to post on in fits and spurts! The real reason for not posting this time? I just finished a ginormous writing contract. I traveled two and from the office for three weeks. It was nice. I’ve enjoyed sleeping in yesterday and today. And I’ll probably enjoy it again tomorrow. And then maybe I’ll worry about finding more work.

I’m also in a bit of a down period right now, but it’s kind of par for the course when you’re a girl. Bless Joe for not suffocating me with a pillow. A PMS migraine is lurking and so I’m having trouble sleeping. And me having trouble sleeping means I’m super cranky. Which means I probably shouldn’t blog unsupervised. But really with no supervisor there is no one stopping me.

I was planning on not ending my last posting spree with the downer that was my series “On being dumped”. I had planned on ending it with this post, but I never got around to it. This is kind of the end of that, but really it’s the beginning of something better.

It’s the beginning of having someone in my life who no matter how many bad dreams I have about him leaving, he kisses me and says I’m stuck with him forever. Or is he stuck with me forever? I can’t remember for sure.

And for those of you who like the rose (Joe’s rose, i) and don’t watch my Flickr stream like a hawk: Joe’s rose, ii.

Originally posted on August 12, 2009

The Globe and Mail asked me: Do you believe in ‘the one’? [Survey is now closed, comments are pretty great though.]

Regardless of the results of that survey, the gist of it is: yes.

I believe in the one…
…who I want to spend all of my time with.
…who I immediately want to tell all of my news to, good or bad.
…who I want to ensure is the happiest person on earth.
…who is in my thoughts as soon as I wake up, all day, and before I go to bed.

I believe that there is one person out there for you that will be your best friend till the bitter end and not give up on you when even you’ve given up on yourself. I don’t believe that this person is predestined to be with you or that you’ll even meet this person. I believe that some people have to try and fail a number of times before they find that person. I believe that some people are lucky enough to find that person right away. I believe that with love and patience and effort, anything is possible.

I just got off the phone with the one as I wanted to make sure that he was okay with me talking about this online. I told him that I thought he was the one, and he was okay with that. So he’s the one that I want to spend all of my time with and all that jazz. Even though I wasn’t very good at blogging regularly before him, it certainly has been more difficult after him. Not that I’m blaming him or anything. Ahem.

I asked my ex once if he believed in “the one”. We were sitting on the futon and it was facing the big windows in our apartment and he was sitting straight and looking out towards the windows and I was sitting facing him. His answer was a flat out no, which immediately made me feel bad for suggesting such a silly thing. This should have been red flag a bajillion and two. But at the time I loved him more than anything else believed he was the one, and I fought hard to keep him. And it turns out he was right, he didn’t believe in “the one” and dumped me rather unceremoniously. And if I’m honest with myself I knew that he wasn’t the one a long time before I found that note taped to my wall with duct tape.

It took me over two years to muster up the courage to give my heart to someone, over two years of thinking and creating standards for myself and listening to those around me and not just rushing in head first and making more mistakes than I had time to fix. I thought I was broken beyond repair and that I’d never find anyone, let alone ‘the one’. Luckily I had people (especially V) who didn’t let me think that way all the time.

But then one night I decided that I would peel myself out of bed, put on some nice clothes (blue jeans, cute blue shoes with flowers on them, brown t-shirt, black shawl, gold necklace from my grandmother, brown beaded earrings from E.), put on some makeup (the usual black mascara, black eyeliner, sparkly bronze eyeliner, shiny lip gloss), walk outside and buy a birthday card and attend the birthday celebration of a friend of mine. It was a supper at Café Paradiso followed by dancing at The Rainbow and I had convinced myself that I would go to the supper and not drink too much and go home early.

And then my world changed.

After an evening of gorgeous food (I had the vegetarian pasta, it was one of my first meals out as a flexitarian. He had the lamb. I was really jealous) and loud funk music, I knew that I was on to something good.

So the last post my Dad looked a little grumpy. He’s not always grumpy when he has his photo taken. Sometimes he’s sleeping. Just kidding!

One thing about dedicating a post to one of my family member’s birthdays or Mother’s Day or what have you is that I get to spend a lot of time looking through my photos. Which is one of the greatest reasons that it’s 11:11 pm (make a wish!) and I’m only just starting the post for my Dad. I really started about two hours ago, but got carried away yelling for Joe to “come look!” every five minutes or so. I’ve also realized that my April 30 – May 14 is pretty busy in the family celebrations category.

Today is my Dad’s birthday but I didn’t get to talk to him. You see, he’s all hopped up on the latest and most hippest (legal) drugs recovering from knee surgery. He’s walking around, but still a little out of it so he’ll have to wait for his phone call. Mom says she brought him a card and a pineapple sundae from Dairy Queen. Joe and I had fried chicken and ribs from The Stockyards to celebrate. That deserves another blog post though.

The photo above is from his 60th birthday party where we surprised him with a tent and a band and all that jazz. Since that was a public event I can tell you that was in 2007 which makes him 63 years young. Plus, now he has a new knee so makes him a few years younger on top of that. Well, and a new knee last year. And a new hip the year before that. So he’s basically 29.

Buttons (the gorgeous canine in the photo) is my little sister and Dad spoils her rotten. He kisses her in front of company and has to end telephone conversations when it’s time to give her the evening cookie. Both Mom and Dad tell me they don’t have favourites, but I’m pretty sure they do and it’s either little brother or Buttons. You know what I mean little sister.

I’ve known my Dad for almost 29 years. He’s taught me a lot about life. I work hard, I like to make other people laugh, I know a good fart joke when I hear it. And even though he sometimes looks grumpy in photos, when he smiles the whole world lights up. Just like everyone he’s been through tough times and he’s taught me a lot about how to live my life and take care of myself and my family. And that it’s okay to kiss dogs in front of company.

So hopefully Mom makes Dad go to the computer and read this:

Hey Dad! Tonight Joe and I ate way too much fried chicken and ribs in honour of your birthday, when you come to Toronto I’ll take you there so you can get some too! Love, Melanie.