As part of my website rehab, I plan on republishing old posts with updates. Though this post hardly counts as one from ages ago (as it’s only two months old), it still at least half applies. I’m not feeling sick, but I’m still in a space where I’m milling about and trying to figuring things out. However, I’m much better than I was at the time of writing this post. Probably because Joe is the best and understands that my mood swings aren’t personal attacks on him and has just learned to ride the waves. I’ll need to take him surfing someday on some blue-ish green waves.

Originally posted February 2010.

It’s been a rough couple of weeks. The hardest part has been staying positive. As for the most part I know it’s going to be alright, but sometimes it’s hard to believe yourself when everything seems to be going completely as not planned. So not only have I been a bit depressed (blue), I’ve been feeling under the weather (green around the gills).

Financially things were stressful, an expected check or four didn’t arrive at all. He and I got to spend Valentine’s Day weekend eating cake (which was awesome) because that’s what I had the ingredients in the house to make. When I ran out of icing sugar I tried making a frosting that used flour as a thickener, quite good and much less sweet.

These few weeks of freedom from work were supposed to be stress free and time to recharge. I had it all planned out, I had enough money saved to be able to make it for a while without having to stress out about finding work. Instead I stressed out about having to find money for groceries.

Bless Him.

I’m supposed to be done a scarf for my Dad and socks for my Mom (Christmas presents no less!), but I’ve not had the ability to concentrate. And then I start feeling guilty about all of the things I’m not doing and then…gosh.

So why am I telling the wild world of the Internet this? Because we all have down days. I want to be as open and honest here on my blog about mental health issues and it wouldn’t be fair to any of us if I always painted a rosy picture. Will I go into detail about the panic attacks? Probably not, but if you want to know about them you can ask and I’ll find a way to talk to you. Because everything isn’t always bright and sunny and full of sweetness and light.

Sometimes things things are blue-ish green.

Sudbury is a community I’m only beginning to get to know. I’ve been there twice now, but this was the first extended visit. The first was on the way to Joe’s family camp on Manitoulin Island and we only stayed for a night and a chance to eat at Deluxe Hamburgers.

Best. Chicken. Sandwich. Ever.

Food distracts me. And I’m easily distracted today as though I thoroughly enjoyed the 10 hours of road trip (5 hours each way), I’m exhausted.

This trip was amazing for many reasons. We shared glorious meals (roast leg of lamb, turkey with all the fixings including this) with Joe’s family, went on drives to see family homes, and listen to Hawksley Workman‘s new album Meat (download podcast with some previews here! Recommend: (Happiest Day is A) Tokyo Bicycle) on the trip home. I visited Records on Wheels to get the album as I’d forgotten to bring any of my CDs. I didn’t stay very long as it was hot and I was over dressed. But oh the money I could spend!

I think next time I’d like to go to Science North, but only if it’s too cold for the beach.