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My last post summed things up pretty well. I still don’t have any photos of unicorns or rainbows, but I’m working on it. Instead you can have a photo I took on Easter weekend on a chilly beach in Sudbury.

Summer is here and I’m preparing for a week of vacation in sunny Manitoba. I’m knitting up a storm because I’ve not used these past six months to finish my family’s Christmas presents. I’m one and a half down, two and a half to go. There will be many photos of finished projects once they are blocked and such, so stay tuned!

Much progress has been made in the cleaning of the apartment and the brain/soul searching I’ve been doing. Applying for jobs once again is a humbling and frustrating experience. So many of the jobs I’d love to do and I am perfectly qualified for are being posted, but it’s so obvious that they are being posted for someone already in the position. Requiring 2.46 years experience in the position is kind of a dead giveaway. Okay maybe I’m exaggerating.

I’ve had a lot of ups and downs in my (very short less than five year) career. And I get caught up in them. When really I need to focus on the bills. Because sometimes little details get lost in the big picture. For the first time ever I’m working on having more than one iron in the fire (even though there is one really big iron right now that I’m not talking about for fear of jinxing it) and we’ll see how it goes.

But that will wait. At least until I get home from Manitoba. I plan on taking lots of photos. And doing yard work. And working on super secret projects. And hopefully at least once being able to dabble my toes in one of Manitoba’s fine lakes. Will it be Lake Minnewasta or Lake Winnipeg? Who knows!

But most of all I’m looking forward to spending quality time with Mom, Dad, little sister, and little brother. I love being in Toronto and I loved being in Ottawa. But I love my family like bonkers and it’s so terrible to be away from them. They worry about me being jobless and being able to provide for myself while being so far away. I worry about that too. Someday I want to have a job where I can have the flexibility to go home for a week and it not be Christmas time. I’m lucky that Joe was able to get this week off work. I’m lucky (and unlucky at the same time) that I’m able to go because I don’t have a job.

The soul searching continues. And the knitting. Oh gosh the knitting.

It’s very strange for me that I couldn’t find a photo to put on the top of this post. My blogging is usually inspired by something I’m feeling through a recent experience or something that’s triggered from a photo I’ve taken. But as I go through the (very few) photos I’ve taken over the past six months, I can’t find one that captures what’s going on right this very second.

I’m happy.

Like rainbows and unicorns happy.

That’s right, I said it. I’m being happy just been being.

I’m not having to capture moments with Joe because they are so few and far between. I’m not travelling between Ottawa and Toronto on a cramped bus. I’m not having panic attacks about work. I’ve had enough contracts to help Joe make sure we’re eating. I’ve had lots of cuddle time with my cats. I call Mom and Dad and tell them about my day and I don’t whine and complain. I’m volunteering more. I’m meeting new people. In fact, I met some really great people tonight and hope I can hang with them more often.

My biggest problem at the moment is PMS. But that’s a short-lived problem. My biggest worry? What I’ll pack for my upcoming trip to Manitoba.

That’s right, I’m not worried about cleaning (apartment is a mess, oh well) or anything. I’m just happy being.

So beware. Lots of ideas are brewing, especially ones that might help me stay in this self-employed state of bliss.

That includes a lot more photos to make up for all the ones I’ve not taken recently. Especially ones of rainbows and unicorns.

/vanishes

Internet: I talk a lot about Him (and those of you know know me know I ain’t talkin’ bout Jesus) and yesterday I (re)blogged about the night we met. I also wasn’t feeling well yesterday. Still not feeling 100% today. So many feelings, eh?

Joe a rather awesome guy who just happened to live in another city when we met. He hated to talk on the phone, but he talked to me on the phone almost every day for nine months. He’s a rather awesome guy who I’d only see when I went to Toronto or when he came to Ottawa. Which meant if we were lucky, we’d see each other twice a month for a weekend.

This photo was taken by Joe just after noon, three days before my 28th birthday. It was taken on one of the first extended visits we’d had with each other.

I wasn’t feeling the greatest, but I was feeling well enough to make it to the top of the Cup & Saucer, a lovely hiking trail on Manitoulin Island. One of the main reasons that I was feeling up to it was that I wasn’t carrying around 50lbs that was there the year before. Which is why you get to see a full body shot.

We were visiting his family camp as I was on my week long birthday celebration holiday. We spent Labour Day at camp, went back to Toronto and dealt with me exhausting myself while I was still a bit under the weather. But it was a great week. Suffice it to say, I’ve been a bit busy. Life changing busy.

I started this blog (I know, you’ve heard this before) in April 2005 as a way for me to document my adventures in the “real world”. It wasn’t long before I began working for the federal public service.

And here we are, over five years later. Since I’ve just recently re-launched the blog, the stories aren’t all here yet. But I’ve got five years of posts waiting to be edited and re-shared with you all.

Don’t worry if it’s kind of a blur to you. It’s kind of a blur to me as well. During that time I had one major nervous breakdown and a couple of smaller ones. But everything before January 1, 2010? That was Chapter 1.

Chapter 2 promises to be more interesting. I’m happier than I’ve ever been, and boy do I have stories to tell.

So what’s was so special about January 1, 2010? Other than it was over six months ago and I’ve still not blogged about it?

On New Year’s Eve Joe came to Ottawa and whisked me (and my kittens) away on his black steed (okay it was a black hatchback) to Toronto. We arrived at 11:30 pm. Enough time to go to Jug Town for a bottle of orange pop and a box of kitty litter. We toasted the new year and promptly fell into bed. Well, onto the futon mattress on the floor. I had hired movers, so my stuff arrived the following Tuesday. It’s still kind of not unpacked. So no photos have been taken. But Joe, the kittens, and I are very happy in our well located, reasonably priced Toronto apartment. Even if it is a mess.

I’d had enough with the job I was in. I felt like I’d become wallpaper and couldn’t get ahead. Or a break. When I made the decision to move, I was coming up on the end of an acting assignment and there was really no hope for anything after that. Management had done what they could, but it really looked as though I was going back to being a junior analyst after I’d spent a year and a half as a “full” program (and even Senior) officer. With the long distance relationship I was using my already too expensive apartment like a hotel. I was able to walk to and from work, but I was so exhausted/depressed/disheartened that the five blocks seemed like an eternity.

It was a good choice. In late January I learned that I’d failed the competition I’d been in for my branch. I’m rather fond of the saying “if you don’t have anything nice to say…” so I’ll leave it at that. But had I been in Ottawa for that and had Joe and I been apart when I got that email, I probably still would be bawling on the floor. My experiences in the public service had very much been of the “If anything bad can happen, it will happen” variety. It probably isn’t that way for everyone. But it was my reality. Well, at least until last January.

For six month’s I’ve woke up on Monday mornings (okay, afternoons) and didn’t feel a ball of dread in my stomach. Even though I’ve taken off the golden handcuffs (for at least six more months) and given up all the security and benefits that go along with them, I feel more free than I’ve ever felt. I’ve gone through bits of my belongings and my blog and started sharing things or throwing them out. I’m glad that I can say that a chapter of my life has come and gone.

Now, on to Chapter 2.